The night is long and painful, and all i have stuck on my mind is those things that haunt and live with me. It only hurts sometimes, the times when i actually have the time to sit and ponder about what is happening? what has happened? and what will happen? will things get worse? will they get better, and yet through all the sh*t i go through i some how know that at the end something good will come out. will something? then that thought crosses my mind and i'm stuck again.
WHAT THE HELL, none of this was supposed to happen to me. ya i'm human, ya sh*t happens, ya i have people who love me, ya God wants the best for me but why is it so freekin hard for me to see the happiest moments in my life when all I have in front of me is crap upon crap upon crap. i mean seriously, i am 18 years old, i still have another 82 years! why now, why not when i am 30 and it's easier for me to handle, or when i'm 60 and i have the right thing to say and the right things to do, BUT NO! it had to be at 18! thanks a lot! i really appreciate it... whatever! one side of me wants to give up, the other just says 'be the strong one' and another says 'breathe everything will work out' when all i can do is a freekin decision... it's me, its Sarah, its Sarah Bess Hemenway who has to figure what her life is doing and go from there.
i think i'm done... for now
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