serisously??

for once in your life take responsibility for your fucking actions. Don't expect to stay the same after the shit you did, take responsibility for the fact that she's alone and you do NOTHING but buy new things for the others and expect everything to be ok. it doesn't work that way and it never will, you may want things to go your way well too fucking bad. IT NEVER WILL! you screwed up, I lost respect, I lost trust, I lost my mom's husband... I lost someone who I wanted to be like when i grew up. that's over... way to go! way to do what you want when you want because you are not under "pressure" any more! GO SCREW YOURSELF AND THEN TELL ME IF YOU ARE OK?! ya im angry and you wonder why i don't talk to you... congratulations!!! im talking to you, you happy?? i hope so, cause this is all you're gunna get for a long time.

It's All Feeling Better

Finally... It's not all feeling terrible, I am having high points during my day and I'm glad I am. It feels easier to breathe, to function and to be myself. There's a new bounce in my step, a new joy in my smile, and an easier knowledge of whats up come. I don't have much to say so, the end.

persevere

the day is over and i can't breathe. my head is getting tossed every which way, my heart is being torn out of my chest, i can't see straight, i have to blink continuously to see anything in front of me, but then you come around making life just a little better by saying i love you. you don't even have to say that you just have to make your presence known and i know, i will live and i will persevere...somehow i will.


by Sarah Hemenway

AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!

The night is long and painful, and all i have stuck on my mind is those things that haunt and live with me. It only hurts sometimes, the times when i actually have the time to sit and ponder about what is happening? what has happened? and what will happen? will things get worse? will they get better, and yet through all the sh*t i go through i some how know that at the end something good will come out. will something? then that thought crosses my mind and i'm stuck again.
WHAT THE HELL, none of this was supposed to happen to me. ya i'm human, ya sh*t happens, ya i have people who love me, ya God wants the best for me but why is it so freekin hard for me to see the happiest moments in my life when all I have in front of me is crap upon crap upon crap. i mean seriously, i am 18 years old, i still have another 82 years! why now, why not when i am 30 and it's easier for me to handle, or when i'm 60 and i have the right thing to say and the right things to do, BUT NO! it had to be at 18! thanks a lot! i really appreciate it... whatever! one side of me wants to give up, the other just says 'be the strong one' and another says 'breathe everything will work out' when all i can do is a freekin decision... it's me, its Sarah, its Sarah Bess Hemenway who has to figure what her life is doing and go from there.

i think i'm done... for now