new town, feeling alone, and wanting home...

As I sit here and watch TV in my new apartment, I think about how much those little moments with my family meant to me, I remember what made those moments unforgettable. Sitting on the couch with my mom watching a dumb show, something we later laughed about while sitting in her bed. And now I sit on my couch wishing that she was here to help me laugh and see the joy in things. It's hard to wonder what she is doing and wish I was with her. I never thought this distance in towns would make things so hard.

Even though I have roommates it's as if they don't exist. I just want to be alone and yet I don't. Being alone is hard, especially when you feel like friends are nowhere to be found. I need friends to survive and right now I have friends, I just don't have the kind of friends I need. I mean I have friends, I just need friends that understand me and know who I am. And get that I can be loud and obnoxious yet fun.

I'm just hoping that some time soon I am able to find a friend that I need.

wishes it was all easier

I just read my friends most recent post and just wanted to imprint it into my mind so i could always have it with me. Sometimes i wish writing the way he wrote came so much easier to me, i wish it was the fountain of words that spill out everyday but had meaning and thought and cause behind them.

Maybe one day i'll sit and write without care of what people say, 0r think... but for now i will constantly be aware of my surroundings and what they think of me. It's not healthy i know, but it's so hard to not.

So that's my post for now, and we will have to see what the future holds. :)

Nathan's writing

I try so so hard, I reach so damn far. You mess with my mind, it the point its almost unkind. Your the only one who makes me feel like this, so much so I'll take the risk. I walk that million miles, if only to see your smile. You drive me absolutely crazy, like a fog so hazy. but no matter what I do, I'm still not noticed by you.
-Nathan Krussel

he is such an amazing writer and he is also my friend! :D

love?

you turn around and there standing in front of you is the man or woman you have always dreamed of. You reach out to touch them and they vanish as if they were the fog in the morning, and yet there's still that glimmer of hope that they are real and that you really do have something to believe in, something to love, something to desire. They aren't perfect and you both have your flaws but hell, if you can get past them- love them, with all that's in you.I wish saying this was easier than writing...

is it beautiful?

sometimes you see happiness and wish it could all just go back to the way it was, where you could trust everyone, everyone loved each other, and best friends weren't lost so easily... please don't stop being my best friend...

the way the heart is broken and played with

It hurts so much, the heart that was already broken has broken again. It feels like you took my emotions played with them then threw them to the side of the road like some old piece of gum you didn't like anymore. and although I may be some inanimate object, I have a 'handle with care' sign. who gives a damn about emotions or love or the heart? oh wait everyone except for you... the way you held me then lied to me then held me again then changed your mind. really really smooth! FAIL!

mmmhmmm... :)

isn't weird how you always hope for one thing to happen but don't ever expect it to happen but, when it does it just feels right? And although you don't expect it to happen, everything feels safer and you feel like nothing can get to you because everything is ok? WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN? and is it real? is it something i can trust, because as far as i am concerned i feel like i can't trust anything and that honestly scares me. but i guess things happen and life goes on right? oh well, i guess this new excitement will go one...

let's see where it goes! :)